Also, from President Uchtdorf: "If you cannot muster FAITH right now, begin with HOPE."
And Mum, reading your words make me happy. It's like a HUG. And that's all I've wanted this week!
PONDERIZE :)
"Learn of me, and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and you shall have peace in me."
"I am Jesus Christ; I came by the will of the Father, and I do his will." —D&C 19:23-24
Something I've realized about myself this week: I think because I don't have the usual emotional outlets of, say, crying my eyes out during a sad movie, or reading a sad part of a book—things like that—my emotions get all bottled up. And then I get stressed. And then...my life is just a struggle. But the problem is I don't really notice the emotions being bottled up until I'm just overly stressed and don't know how to deal with it, or why everything bothers me.
But, as I look back, I've LEARNED a lot this week. And it was honestly full of miracles and NEW INVESTIGATORS. It's just hard to see those blessings sometimes when you're stressed, and tired, and you don't know how to make yourself feel better.
And this is why GENERAL CONFERENCE is a BLESSING. And WHY I'm grateful that I did have Conference a "week late" because....it meant SO much more to and for me THIS weekend than it would have the weekend before. THE LORD'S TIMING is brilliant and priceless.
MONDAY started off the week with a BANG - and 5 new investigators :) A family! Mum, dad, and mum's brothers/cousin. And then also mum and dad's little kids—ages 6, 7, and 2...I think. So we're going to be teaching them on Monday's now, and it's just grand and exciting! We had a quick little message last week—just telling them our purpose as missionaries and asking about what they believe in—in their lives and church. They talked about family, so we added our 2 cents about ETERNAL families — and they seemed to like that ;) So....they said we could come Monday nights, and all the excitement. We've also been doing Family Home Evening with our bishop's family. Love them sooooo much. All the excitement at their house - and bonus: Sister Papali'i (being the brilliant mum she is) has taught all the boys to bake. So there's always something exciting there! Haha.
TUESDAY Sister Anitema and I "showed up" the Samoan Elders with our Star Wars lego-building skills! Fun fact: Sister Anitema had NEVER PLAYED WITH LEGOS before..... #What? But it was exciting. We were having a training meeting in our district about "MAKING AND USING LESSON PLANS." — So, we did a competition. There were 2 lego sets. So it was Sister Anitema and I against the Samoan elders. The first round we weren't allowed to use the instruction booklet—just look at the picture on the box. (Sister Anitema and I actually got pretty far without the booklet... haha.) But then in the second round we were given the instructions, and clearly it was MUCH easier—though we still SMOKED the Elders. It took us maybe....7 minutes? to put the spaceship together. Whereas.... they still weren't done after the 10 minutes of time were up. Haha. #SetDesigner #I'veMissedIt ...Why have I never used legos before when trying to think of ideas for sets in plays? #Revelation #ForFutureReference
The day continued with a lunch break, and, once again, permetherin-ing the flat to make fleas leave... Luckily, I think it worked, for the most part, this time.
We then visited some families, dropped in to see Ivan (since he's been sick for a while) and had MCM (Missionary Committee Meeting). Love our ward mission leader. We "heart attacked" the Donnaldson's house, and....just all the love :) We got a message later in the night from Brother Donnaldson saying to "watch out because of the colourful heart taggers in the area!" Haha. Love them :)
WEDNESDAY...I was tired. And all the inadequacies of my mind started taking over and I just....basically started losing patience. -------> This is one thing I've defniitely learned/realized this week: Our family is INSANELY PATIENT. Like - I honestly don't feel like I've ever had to deal with impatient people in my life compared to now! So...THANK YOU (and also not), 'cause I clearly had no idea what it was like to live with an impatient person until now! Hahaha. #Blessings of a calm family... But I was also just tired so I started feeling a little like I wasn't actually being "useful" to Sister Anitema because of some of the little things she would say to me at times. But we still saw miracles! We had Alisha come out with us in the morning for a bit, and then made Ivan "Get Well" cards, and the Gaitau's even pitched in some fruit to give to him to make him better. We also got to visit with Sia and Sam, and....we're excited 'cause they told us we're "welcome anytime.... at night" haha. Because that's when they're home :) I LOVE their spirits, and they opened up to us....really quickly. So, wonderful blessings. And hopefully actually teaching soon. They did say they would like to have us over for dinner too! (Ah - and here's a cute little cultural thing for ya. Samoan's like to feed the missionaries. So when we just stopped by this night, they both were saying, "Ah! If we had known you were coming we would have made food!!!" And Sam just kept saying—in Samoan—that he wished he had food for us. The Islander "love language" is definitely FOOD. Haha.)
THURSDAY.... The stress kicked in. I hurt, I felt like a failure, and like I wasn't good enough to be Sister Anitema's companion, feeling like I could do nothing right. — Beginning with waking up, saying my prayer, and then being lectured that I "didn't wake her up," when, normally I DO—'cause she can't hear the alarm. First time I haven't. So great start to a morning! Continuing that day I felt like I was constantly being corrected on driving, how to talk to people, and that I wasn't talking enough in messages so it was stressing HER out. Well, guess what. That's why i'm not talking!
So.... I miss patient people. Also because it hurts a little to be constantly told that I'M the one that's helping HER learn patience. Which... I guess is good, it just doesn't always come out in a positive sounding way. Definitely comes out a bit more negatively.
-------->> Ah. And that's another thing I've learned/realized this week. Our family is INSANELY POSITIVE. I feel like I've never really had to deal with super negative people until being on the mission! What? Haha. #SpoiledWithGoodness.
Anyhoo. We were able to bring Alisha with us to teach Vale this morning, and ...it was good. :) She opened up a little bit more, and our lesson just....flowed. In the way of conversation, rather than an actual "formal" lesson where we're saying "we're teaching you this." So....THE SPIRIT TEACHES in many different ways, and it's....pretty "sweet as" :)
FRIDAY was a lot about COMMUNICATION. I also realized the things that I USED to super enjoy, I now rather ...don't, always. Example: Weekly Planning, and ...on occasion, P-day. Just because it results in a lot of me, feeling like a failure, and stressed and like...I once again do nothing right :) Yay! It's fine though. Because THIS Friday's weekly planning was...actually good. We talked a lot more about the struggles we'd both felt this week, and then I cried. Emotional release!!
----------> Another thing I've learned this week: I've always had someone in my life who KNOWS HOW TO COMFORT. Fun fact: Sister Anitema doesn't really. Haaaaa. She even said that to me, saying, "I'm sorry! I don't know what to do when you cry!" Haha. Not a comforter. So... once again, #SpoiledInOurFam
But then: The Lord KNOWS when you need someone to hug you, and someone that knows how to comfort. So He sent our STL's (aka: my trainer "MUM"), who were originally just dropping by to take pictures for a "Sister's Conference" we're having this week - but...ended up helping us in the comforting life. HE KNEW I needed a hug from Sister O'Reilly, and that's why He sent them on that day and at that moment in time. I LOVE it.
Then we went out to get some food and just happened to run into one of our less-actives that Sister Anitema hadn't met yet (she's less active not by choice....but rather, because her "adopted" parents don't let her come). But it was good, and she's adorable, and I've missed her. And we got some food, since we really hadn't eaten much yet that day (and....I honestly hadn't eaten much in the last ...24 hours). #StressedSelf
SATURDAY was conference, comfort, lunch, and then more conference comfort. HAPPINESS. And then I shut down again, feeling worthless from comments from the companion, yet again :P Just....love it. But things improved when we had dinner at the Gaitaus, and a lesson at the Singh's with their cousin who we're now teaching, ending with stopping at a member's home to share a little message and to see if we could get a new ward list :) Because... ours lacks information we would like. Like.... birthdays and such.
SUNDAY was the TRUE COMFORT, and a MAJOR BLESSING FROM HEAVEN! Elder Holland. I just... wouldn't be able to thank him enough. "May a loving Father in Heaven bless us to remember how we felt today." And the EVER SO HELPFUL dinosaur visual that will FOREVER be ingrained in me and "the last thing I thought would come up on the screen at general conference from Elder Holland!" And OH HOW HELPFUL it was after leaving Saturday'sconference and immediately feeling stressed again, and then.... also leaving Sunday's conference nearly feeling the same. Why this time, you ask? Well.... we had a lovely visit with the Butlers - which... made us a bit late for our dinner appointment at the Singh's. This then resulted in Sister Joy Singh (a MTC teacher) ...sharing her "disappointment" in us, along with a lecture—alllllll the joys to tear my happiness down to once again, feeling like I'm a failure of a missionary. Let me tell you just....how much I didn't want to handle this right then. But it was good - because I do know we needed to hear it from someone else, rather than just ourselves, saying that we needed to be more timely. But....it was also kind of a shot to the heart. So, Sister Anitema basically shared the whole of the message we shared, because.... she knew what was going through my head, and she knew that I wouldn't be able to speak. And then, as we left - Joy pulled us aside again, at the door - to ask if WE, as companions, were okay. Yes, we DEFINITELY were - because of all the talking we had done on Friday that really did help. I just.... needed to get out of my own head still. And it really wasn't helping being told by someone that how we decided to follow the spirit that night—to know where and for how long we needed to be—was "disappointing" and "not acceptable." She said she just asked because I didn't do much talking in the message. Yes, I know that. It was because I was trying to figure out how to not feel worthless, once again. Thank you, Sister Singh. But, now we do know to never be even the slightest bit late to their house, ever—even if we do call ahead to tell them—'cause she didn't even seem to be happy with that. #Obedience.
This is also why the messages from conference of forgiveness, and just TRYING have helped me heaps this weekend! Because I AM trying. Things may get stressful, and things may get tough, but... I'm trying. And that's what truly matters. I know that the Lord will bless me as long as I have that DESIRE TO IMPROVE. And I do.
Oh. And that night ended with seeing Birgette and her family, and the Masiasomuas. So... there was all the HAPPY, because... the Masiasomua's ARE like my FAMILY.
Struggles may come, but I also know struggles go. As long as we keep trying and have the desire to improve, we will be blessed. No one is perfect. Even when people think you should be. And that's why I listened to President Uchtdorf's "Forget Me Not" talk again today and yesterday as well.
He said: "I want to tell you something that I hope you will take in the right way: God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect. Let me add: God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not. And yet we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others—usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. This drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet. As a result, we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. It’s wonderful that you have strengths. And it is part of your mortal experience that you do have weaknesses. ... God wants to help us to eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths. ... It’s okay that you’re not quite there yet. Keep working on it, but stop punishing yourself." —President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Forget Me Not," October 2011 General Conference #Brilliant
So.... Life's good. There has to be hard things and hard weeks in life so we can fully enjoy the good and "easy" ones ;) Truth. And I'm grateful for that.
Here's to the miracles of the upcoming week, and the teaching to our SEVEN new investigators! :)
I LOVE you all, and I hope you had a most lovely General Conference last week, and that you continue to remember the feelings you felt while listening and watching to our wonderful Prophet and Apostles :) They're definitely inspired and bring much comfort to all the things we're going through in life :)
Ofa Atu (Tongan! "Love ya"),
Sister Mckenzie Ann Ottley
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